What if?

I'm feeling good today. I have been feeling good for the past couple of days. The comments and feedback I have been getting on myspace, are encouraging. I wasn't sure how people would respond to my music. I heard what my wife, nieces, nephews, sisters, and cousins thought about it, but never heard what others had to say.

I got a message from a sister that has some really good poems, her delivery is fresh, her words are deep, and shes having the same problem I had, financial, beats and all.

Then it dawned on me, five years ago I was in my basement trying to build up. I'm still building up, but I finally see this going somewhere. Its as though Ive climbed a small peak, and the summit still isn't reached, but its not as far. For many years, I was fluctuating, going from making beats and rhymes every day to not making anything for months.

Giving in to that voice.

The voice is what destroys many dreams, its often disguised as the voice of reason.

"How can you sit in front of this keyboard and try to make beats, you have two kids and a wife to support!.....Just let this whole music thing become a hobby, give it up man your getting old. Be realistic here, how many people before you tried this? What are people going to think of your weak beats? It aint working, JUST GIVE UP"

That is the voice of doubt. The voice that makes or breaks an artist. Some artists take that voice and use it to their advantage, they try harder and even if things look crappy their persistent. It took me a very long time to figure it out.

What is it? You ask....

It is a persons calling. What they were put on earth to do. When I was younger I always thought about it, what am I to do in this world? Will I change anything around me? Am I just another soul that society has dismissed? As I got older those questions faded away, slowly but surely. I went about working to support my beautiful sons and wife. Dismissing that yearning call. I was depressed for a while, because I knew that music is my personal calling. It is my way of expressing myself, and the conditions around me.

I was too absorbed with the idea of failure. So scared that it might not work out, what if people hate it?

Funny how I feared failure, without even trying. Failure is a tough word to swallow, but I never thought about "what if this is a success", "what if my music makes a positive impact","what if kids listen to it, and think o man I need to stop trying and start doing".......

Instead of focusing on negative (what if's) I started focusing on positive (what if's)....and here I am messaging talented young men and women. I want to say thanks to all of the people that have messaged me, because their kind words and support are what I thought I would never hear. Next time you feel like your going to give up, ask yourself this; what if my thoughts can bring a positive change to those around me?